Well, it happened. We got married. I'm a married woman - a Mrs!

We are very happy - more happy than I ever thought possible. We are in love, and in the midst of wonderful life together.

I will now be taking an official hiatus from this blog. I may take another turn at it later on, or I may create a more private one. I'm not sure. No matter what the case, rest assured, this story ends with -

Happily Ever After

I'm getting married today!

It's finally here!

Yay!

The end is nigh...

Working weekend again - but this time it's working for us instead of school!

Saturday was my first day off after working 26 days straight... and we spend the day loading the moving truck! I was zonked by the time bedtime came around. Tonight is priming to paint. And we are priming everything we painted. Oh joy! Well - it's not too bad - except for the stupid Tattoo practice - I'm sick of bagpipes.

I also got to run away to Erin's shower today - so nice! It was nice to meet some new people (I knew nobody but her) and I got to see her new place too. As it turns out, Adam and I are going to stay with her a couple of nights this week while we're homeless.

So - green is primed. Brown is primed. Kitchen is taped. And Adam avoided a near-electrocution. All-in-all - good weekend! I can't wait for Friday though - sleep sleep sleep. Oh - and lounge. I'm not unpacking, cleaning, painting or moving. I'm having a day off.

Only 1 month and 25 days until I get married!

Feels like I'm going to eat my way through Midol today and tomorrow - and hate every minute of it.

Ick.

Feelin' good!

I'm done my first clinical placement! Wahoo! And we're loading our stuff this weekend - wahoo! And we're moving away from the STUPID Nova Scotia International Tattoo - DOUBLE WOOHOO!!!

Also - caught up to the end of Supernatural last night - it was awesome. I really think that they should leave it there - it was a good ending. Something bugged me though - the prophet was supposedly God? That doesn't make sense because Dean's necklace didn't glow around him. But whatever - it was awesome. And Death kicked some arse too!

Getting married in 1 month and 29 days! Holy crow! NOW there's stuff to do - as soon as we get through the move it will be wedding wedding wedding. So exciting!!!!!!! And we booked our honeymoon resort (going to an awesome resort in PEI that has everything).

Year 1 of 3 done for school - so pleased!

Batter up!

Wow - look at those curve balls!

There's been a few this past week and a half.

My Aunt Shirley passed, and the funeral was Monday and I couldn't go because I had to be at clinical.

Training 4 new people at work. People who do not have professional confidence (or much work experience). Nice people, but not the easiest to train.

Said good-bye to Jenn tonight. It was really hard. But then she left her purse! Silly gal... all is fine now though.

Can't got to Mike and Mindy's wedding - horrible. I wanted so much to be there.

And today is day 19 of 25 working straight. I need a break.

So - batter up! I'll battle what else the week throws, but I hope it's flowers instead of curve balls!

Worn Out

I am so very happy with my life. I love where I've ended up, and i couldn't ask for a better partner to go through it with.

But oh my! I'm so worn out. Self-induced,, as it may be. I'm pooped. Working, clinical, moving, wedding, and family affairs/news/changes. All in one month. Oy vey!

Off to sleep I go. A good slumber it will be!

Good-bye and God Bless Aunt Shirley

We found out last night that my Aunt Shirley died the night before last. The wake is on Sunday and the funeral is on Monday and I can't go to either because I have to be in clinical, and I'm not allowed to miss time. It completely sucks. I'm not sure what to say to Dad, or Maxine or anyone.

Shirley was the first aunt (Dad's sister) to pass. I guess it will start happening more and more now that we're at that age. I guess it's the circle of life or some crap like that. Their generation is getting older, just like we are.

Yes. I guess life is changing.

Life, it is a-changin'.

In fact, a lot of things are changing. The last few months have seen a large transition in my life. There are some things I've considered doing but haven't been able to (for various reasons), but I'm starting to feel like I'm ready. Ready to get ready for what comes next, and allow myself to let go of whatever needs to be left behind in the transition.

For example, I'm ready to let go of some stuff. When we move (oh yeah - we're moving BTW) I don't want to take everything with me. We have too much stuff, and I'm ready to let go of some of that dead weight. If it doesn't have a place of its own in the new place, I don't want it.

And guilt. That's been done before....way too much.

And the need to please. I've been told about that one by my friends way too much.

And the need to help. Why do I always have to be the person who needs to help the people I know. And it doesn't even have to be something big or important, but it is just stuff I don't have the energy for.

I don't know what brought on the sudden need to change things. Maybe it's getting married (in 2 months and 16 days!!!!) or maybe it's the change in career, or the fast-approaching , but whatever it is, I think it's been coming for awhile.

Oh yeah - and I need to start standing up for myself more. With everyone. I waste too much energy dealing with people in my head - I need to do something more that will give me some piece of mind. I'm not sure if people even realize how they talk to me, or how they treat me. But when I notice, I get upset, and then have to talk to Adam until I feel better, and it's just to much pressure.

And hey - I put enough pressure on myself. You know, with working fulltime, school, learning to care for people in school (very taxing BTW), planning a wedding, being a good fiancé/sister/friend/daughter/DIL/SIL/aunt, moving, and oh yeah - trying to find a spare few hours every so often for me. Yeah... that pressure.

But heck - I love having goals, and things to acheive in my life. I' m glad I'm not stuck in a rut, like I was a few years ago. I'm happy with the choices I've made, and the schedule I've set up. Sometimes, when I'm telling people that I don't have a spare weekend until September, it's because I'm bragging while they think I'm complaining (okay - a little complaint in the brag, but you get the picture). I love my life. I just have be okay with letting my choices take hold.

And oh yeah - I'm getting married in 77 days!

Hey all!

So Adam brought up a good point this morning - I shouldn't let my last entry be about going in for surgery - it looks dire. So here you go!

I'm not sure if I'm done blogging, but for right now I don't have anything I want to share with the world at large.

So here you go - another post for the interim. It's been grand, it's been fun. I'll let you know if I decide to go on.

Bye!

So tomorrow is the big day - I get my surgery. It's all very exciting, and I'm really excited to be having it happen. That said, I'm getting nervous - I don't want to not wake up. I know it will be fine, but my tummy still has butterflies in it. I'm sure it's only natural, but seriously - I like being in control of going to sleep and waking up. Handing that power over to someone else isn't easy. And I'm nothing, if not a control freak.

I really am looking forward to having it done. I was looking online at some statistics and the research is quite good for successful pregnancies after this (not sure what it's called, but let's just say that my BabyMaker is being upgraded!).

I don't get to have water or anything after midnight tonight, and if you know me well you know I hate not having my water bottle in hand. I can handle not eating, that's simple, but not being able to drink is driving me crazy before it even happens.

I keep trying to look at it from a clinical point of view, but I can't seem to detach myself enough to do it. If it were anyone but me (or Adam) it would be easy, but it's not. I know how it all works, but that doesn't seem to matter to the butterflies. The butterflies have a mind of their own. It's like someone just disturbed their nest - their super active and on edge right now!

Oh butterflies - will you let me sleep tonight?

Only 5 months left as of today! I'm so happy and excited I can't stand it! It's wonderful :)

Tonight - went to the gym, made blueberry muffins, did my taxes (by myself!) and I'm going to get to bed at a decent time - who would have thunk it?

So after the sleep-deprived weekend I had, it's off to bed I go. Isn't that nice!

I'm a nursing student - here's proof!

Seriously?!

Hey all, So I know I don't write on here much lately, and when I do it's because I have something to say. Well, this time is no different, I have something to say.

While reading a friend's blog this week, she noted that this is Women's History Month. Rockin'! Cool. I'm down with that. Well, a co-worker, who is aware of political views (which I don't discuss with many, but suffice to say I am liberal on many fronts, but still conservative on a few) decided to share something with me. And when I looked into it, I was disgusted. THIS is ridiculous! Just look through their material, and what they stand for! How outrageous is that. Now, I myself am all for a woman staying home, or working, or joining the freaking circus, but this blew my mind. What's the point of gender equality if they want us to live within constraints?

1. Abortion? That's none of their business. Or yours. Or mine.
2. Gay rights? Uh.... if color doesn't make a person less entitled, why would gender?
3. Anti-government funded childcare? Get over yourself! It's not a conspiracy to monitor and develop your children, it's a way to help families afford to work to provide more opportunities for their children. Jeesh!

I find their ideals offensive. I appreciate the history and struggles of women, but I live in a time where we have choices. I don't know what year they are living in....or trying to re-create. So, here it is:


My name is Pam. I am a woman. And I support other women in whatever I can. Unless it means stripping them of their rights and freedoms, whether it be by law or social convention. You should be ashamed of yourselves!

Like the picture? Me too. And I love the 50s sense of style and community, but not the social conventions that ruled women's lives. And you know what? I'm allowed to think that way AND express it. No thanks to the Real Women of Canada.

That's why it's OUR game.

So much is going on in the world!

Did anyone catch the opening ceremony for the Olympics???? It was awesome! The orcas were, by far, my favorite part. How wonderful! It looked like they were right there in the stadium!

Poor Georgia - my heart broke for them.

School is starting to take over my world again. School and the gym. I've been in hibernation mode for the last few weeks, and it looks likely to continue until April or so. I know that sounds like a long time, but by the time my midterms are over in mid march, it'll be time for my surgery which requires recovery time. So I won't be up for too much socializing.

But then it's spring! So that's a great thing :)

Life is throwing some curve balls my way right now. I hate it when that happens. Makes me want to hibernate.

So far I am loving Zumba class, and I intend to continue for as long as I can. It's fun!

We've gotten back a bunch of the RSVPs (hint hint people). One one decline to date, so that's good :)

GTG!

~P

Thank you Tina.
You're the best!

This is the 4th day in a row I've woken up with a headache - I wish I knew why. I'm sure it doesn't help that I haven't been getting enough sleep, but it still isn't fun.

Goal for the week - get enough sleep. At least one night of 9.5 hours. That would be lovely!

I finished up my First Aid & CPR over the weekend. The guy who was teaching it was foolish and didn't know what he was talking about. Thank goodness Erin was there to keep him line because I didn't want to be the one to correct him. In fact, I like having Erin around - she's a lot like me! And there aren't enough people like us out there. IF there was, there wouldn't be so much drama in life.

That being said, I've recently cut back (WAY back) on drama in my life, and I feel like I'm almost at a place where I can recover from it (somewhat like an open wound, I suppose). I'm going to hold onto this lovely solitude I've been building up lately. I'll soon be focused enough to lead a well-organized and routine week, which would be even lovelier.

Tonight sounds like a good night for an early bedtime. If only that would happen. LOL I have to go home, cook supper, go to the gym, study and get ready for tomorrow. Not to mention all the other things that go along with a regular Monday evening. I'm very much looking forward to Saturday! I'm already on day 8 of work (essentially) and I'm exhausted!

TGIF

Today is Friday, isn't that wonderful?

I'm doing school stuff all weekend, which lead to no days to sleep in for 2 weeks by the time next weekend rolls around. It'll be early to bed for the next few days!

Looks like I'm going to be changing positions here at work. I'll be manning the switchboard for a few days per week while still working with the team I'm with now for the other days. It should take me up to the wedding, which is nice (yay paying for stuff!). It should also make things easier when I go for surgery next month, although it is still not clear if I will be able to get sick time yet or not (it may need to be unpaid, which will be no fun). But at least it's employment, which makes me happy :)

Adam and I went to a Zumba! class last night - I loved it! It wasn't Adam's thing, but he went with me anyway, which was really great of him. I get so nervous and self conscious when I do things like that for the first time by myself. Thanks Hun!

I'm incredibly busy right now (life in general) but somehow I'm managing to keep things low-key - it's nice. Being a self-declared social pariah is cool. And quiet. I like cool and quiet.

LOL - Erin and I were doing our regular Thursday night homework talk and something became very obvious. I've had women fill me in on labour and delivery and pregnancy and all that. But it's so different when you hear it from a mom who's a nursing student! Hi-larious!

So... someone mentioned a storm, but I'm not seeing anything in the forecast. Huh?

They did what?

What kind of BS is this??

Ring! Says the Fire Alarm

What a way to wake up this morning!

Around 7:30 am the building's fire alarm went off. So here, just minutes before Adam and I are out the door for work in the morning, we have to get us and the kitties outside. In February. Brrr!

So Adam got the kitty carriers together and I bribed the kitties with treats and we made it down the stairs. And then turned the corner and walked back inside the building to wait in the entry way with everyone else...hehe. The Fire Dept showed up, cleared the alarm and we were on our way home.

Poor Max - he is forever traumatized. Loki didn't care less, but is going to bug Max all day! Like I said, poor Max.

But hey - at least it's not Monday anymore :) Tuesday's are usually good days. Let's keep it that way.

The wedding site has been updated with the latest changes.

Sometimes, having emotions isn't easy.
Today mine are all over the place. I'm super happy that I feel so physically good after the weekend, and I'm feeling much less stressed about the wedding.
That said, I just found out that it's quite likely I'm not going to get the position I want here at the company, and has taken a small toll on my mood. I feel sad. And I don't know what to do with it.
Feelings aren't always fun. They are confusing.

I can move!

Saturday's Bust A Move was so much fun! It was really great! I can't wait to do it again next year :)

I managed to make it to the gym yesterday to do a short stint of mild cardio followed by a LOT of stretching - and I feel pretty darn good today!

There have been a few changes in the wedding - Maren has agreed to stop down as the Maid of Honor and as a bridesmaid so that I can have someone closer at hand step in. This is so I can have someone who is present to help me with make it through the next few months.In the beginning we had thought that she would be living here, but things changed, and while is now (and will always be) my closest girlfriend, she understands that the stress and events and help I need are from someone who can be physically here for me. To throw a shower, help with stagette, be there for dress fittings and help with decorations, etc.

So in her place, Jennifer Uhlman is stepping in as a bridemaid, with Krystal assuming the position of Maid of Honor. Thank you Jennifer and Krystal! I made sure to let Jen know what it will mean for her to step in, and she graciously agree to be a part of my big day. And I am very excited to have someone who is here, in town, to be by my side through the next few months. I truly need that in a friend and bridesmaid right now, as things will only get busier from here on out, and I have worried about how I was going to make it through this for months.

Thank you Maren.
Thank you Jennifer.
And thank you to my Adam as well - you are the best.

Bust A Move!!

Me and Richard Simmons at Bust A Move!
It was a great time!!!

Addresses, addresses fork 'em on over!

Not to mention your phone numbers!

Life is moving forward, whether I'm sick or not.

Oh - sick sucks. Tomorrow will be better. I hereby decree.

Well I stayed away from here for awhile so I would be able to write something a little happier than my last post. Last week was not my best week in life, and I wasn't in the mood to share with all of you. Still not, so I'll try to focus on good things.

Went to a wedding show with Adam, Mum and Krystal yesterday and it was good. We found a beautiful limo that we'll be booking soon, and Mum and Krystal found a couple of necklaces that they really loved (and with their birthdays coming up, they may get them and have them for the wedding). We also took some time to go the ceremony and reception sites, which was nice.

Uncle Frank had another heart attack on Saturday - he's in the Infirmary but seems to be doing alright. The docs will be cleaning out the blockages sometime this week.

Adam and I have all of our envelopes done, and we are just waiting to pick up the invites Tuesday evening so we can stuff the envelopes. I think tonight I will put my master list together so we can start addressing things while watching a movie or something.

Saw two movies this weekend - Avatar and The Invention of Lying. Both were really good. I can see why Avatar is considered epic - it was very good. The Invention of Lying was odd.... and fascinating. It wasn't an in-you-face movie, but I really enjoyed it.

Heard from Mark yesterday. That was.....random. I guess he got my message from his ex-wife. Needless to say I was dumbfounded, and couldn't put any real sentences together. I got the info I need for the marriage registration though, so I guess that's good. It was odd.

And now it's Monday. Another bizarre day. My goal today is to live a simple, uncomplicated day.

Watch this.

I am so entirely pissed off right now.

Last night, we lost hot water. Again. This building has the worst management - they smoke indoors in public places, they lose work orders, and now they can't even maintain utilities. So last night, at 830pm I left my home to gohave a shower at the gym. Oh joy oh bliss. But ofcourse I didn't have shampoo or conditioner, so my hair looks like one giant grease ball today. Great. Just great.

Then I wake up this morning, get dressed to find out that the dress sweater I wear with all of my tank tops has been shrunk in the dryer, and I can never wear it again. And have nothing to wear to work. And the kitten was getting dangerously close to being locked up and not let out for the entire day because he WOULD NOT get out from underfoot and WOULD NOT leave me alone to do anything (including walk from one room to another). Oh, yeah - so today I am wearing an old shirt with a hole in it with my fleece sweater over top of it (I keep that at the office for when we ha no heat, but it's 8:10 and I'm sweating b/c I have nothing else to wear).

So I am in a VERY bad mood. So bad, in fact, that I am contemplating leaving work. I left home after 8 anyway, so I was already late. Why did I bother? Oh yeah - in case I get the job that I was under theimpression I would know about by now.

WARNING!

Sleep is a wonderful thing. I feel so much better than I did yesterday :)

I'm waiting for my next assignment, and enjoying putting playlists together online, on a website my boss introduced me to: www.grooveshark.com - I highly recommend!

Tina's coming over tomorrow night to finish the wedding invites. Yahoo! We only have the RSVP cards and the maps to work on. Wahoo! We also need to get return address labels with my new last name done for the thank you cards. We decided last night that we are going to have Staples print most things, it might be cheaper and but it will defiantly be easier. And easier is good.

Life is feeling pretty good today. I know I've been all over the place the last week, and I want to thank Adam and Tina for putting up with it and acting as my sounding boards - thank you! It won't be the last time, but it helps :)

Holy cow and I sleepy today! I'm having some trouble waking up, and even more pretending to be alert. Wow!

Last night was not a good night, but ended well (thank goodness). It turns out that Loki got out of the apartment when I got home, and we didn't realize it for 2 1/2 hours! By that time he was no where to be seen. No one on our floor had seen him, and we didn't know what to do. I started knocking on doors on other floors and finally found him. Some woman was doing laundry on our floor, found him and took him home. Thank goodness he was alright, but I can't understand why she didn't report it to the building.

But he's fine, and we're fine, and everyone is fine.

Then we hit the gym to deal with some stress that the adrenaline had thrown into our bodies, and that woke me up, so I couldn't go to be early. I felt fine last night, but today - I'm exhausted. I can honestly barely keep my eyes open.

Let's hope today is less eventful than yesterday. I think I'll crawl in bed around 8ish - no gym - and sleep for 11 hours. I could really really use it.

Oh - school has started. Back to adding that to my life :)

Now the stress hits.

I've always heard that planning a wedding is a stressful time, but I hadn't experienced it until recently. Mainly, it's the bridesmaids.

Yesterday Krystal told me she wasn't sure what she was going to do about the no-kids-at-the-wedding thing. When I asked what she meant she said she hadn't decided if she was going to be able to be a bridesmaid anymore or not. I opted to play the adult and told her she had until the end of the week to decide, and that I would respect her choice. She called me 5 hours later and launched right into bridesmaid stuff an when I made her explain herself she said the Mike (the BF) told her she was being stupid and to cut it out. So she did. No apology, but I made her tell me that there would be no more guilt trips about it, and that that would be the last I heard about it.

During all this, I was stressing out big time, and getting really upset, and in turn Adam was getting upset, and it all sucked. Big time. I don't get what I did that made me not deserve the wedding things that every other gal gets. I mean, no one threw us an engagement party (or even wanted to get together to go out to dinner with us), there were no (oh-so-pretty) engagement cards (every time I walk by them now I think that 'I'll never get one of those'), and no one has taken any interest at all. Don't get me wrong, Adam and I love being engaged, and we love doing the wedding ourselves, but it would have been nice if people had been nice enough to want to celebrate with us instead of ignore it or give a passing "Congrats". I distinctly remember a couple of people saying that we'll celebrate our engagement once Ellen and Shawn's wedding was over, since everyone was busy and "wedding-ed out". Well, that never happened. And furthermore, do you know how insulting it is when someone says their tired of weddings so they don't want to hear about your new engagement? Or a family that doesn't have time to be happy with you?

When anyone thinks about being engaged, they don't think their friends will do nothing, they think their friends will want to help them celebrate. They don't think they'll have to enjoy the once-in-a-lifetime event by themselves.

Don't get me wrong, people love to stick their noses in and tell me to slow down and that I have tons of time to plan, and that I shouldn't be in such a rush, and why am I worried about it already? You know what - stop not-helping people. If you're not willing to celebrate with me, don't think you have any right to criticize me, or that I want to hear your un-involved opinion. Adam can attest - this crap has been bothering me for months and months. And I'm tired of it. Even he said yesterday that I've been short-changed in the wedding-happy-girl world, and he's right. And I bloody well hate it.

I don't know, things like this have been bothering for a long long time, and this weekend was the last straw. If you can't be happy for me, and want to celebrate with me, what makes you think you should even be invited? Out of social obligation? On the most important day of our lives? I don't think so. Freg that. Friendship and consideration is a two way street.

Grumble Grumble

Today is not my day. I'm cranky.

Krystal decided last night to forget that she knew that there are no kids allowed to the wedding, and had a fit about it. Which made me feel as bad as possible, even though Adam said we've told them several time.

Magic fairies moved my lunch bag to a place I couldn't find it until I was late for work, even though I got up extra early so I could have a smooth morning and get to work a few minutes early.

Feel like I'm getting sick (which is no surprise), and I don't like it. Cant book an appointment with my doctor because she is now booking only consecutive appointments, meaning that she won't book a 4pm appointment until she has 1pm - 3:45pm all booked up (in her effort to manage her day better). Time to get a new doctor. Dangnabbit.

I'm cranky. And I need to shake it before 230. Grumble grumble grumble.

*Edit - this thing about Krystal claiming she didn't know is really pissing me off - I'm not pleased with feeling guilty about this. And even IF she didn't know, 7.5 months is more than enough notice.

Check, check, check again!

Last night was another great night.

• I picked up the envelopes for the invitations.
• I picked up the invitations for the rehearsal dinner.
• Did my Valentine's Day shopping for Adam.
• Fill a prescription.

And today I:

• Applied for the marriage license.
• Negotiating menu with the caterer.

Things are getting done! Wahoo!

Check, check and check.

Tonight we booked our rehearsal dinner site, picked up our thank you cards, and went suit shopping. We even made it to the gym.

It's been productive, and I'm glad for it!

Happy Monday world!

Adam and I made the most divine meal last night with quinoa and tofu and kale - it was delish! I hope to introduced more people to it in the near future. Yum!

At work today I had to write the date for the first time this year. How crazy is it that it's 2010? I mean, really? I've been alive for nearly 30 years - that's a long time. And 2010? In the 80's this was the far-off future that would hold all sorts of new wonderous things...well it does by comparison (hello internet!).

Classes start next Friday - woo! Back to study study! I'm looking forward to it actually. Not the stress as much, but the learning for sure.

Not to mention I'm getting married in 7 months and 18 days! Eeek!

Holy crow! What a day this has been! I do believe that winter is officially here ladies & gentlemen!

It has been snowing since last night, and we have been hunkered down inside with Adam, myself, Maren and Rowan. It's been wonderful! Nothing but visiting, being lazy, and enjoying some good food. I think I finally get to enjoy the holidays! Yahoo!

By the way - the roads are very icy.

So I've had some people ask me about resolutions. I don't make them - I don't really see why the beginning of a new year is any better time to start working towards a goal. I made one one, and I achieved it, and that was wonderful, but I have enough things to work on.

For me this year, I will:

a) work on my nursing diploma
b) get married
c) spend a night in an island after a kayak trip (pre-wedding)
d) spend a day at the spa (pre-wedding)
e) take a trip (honeymoon)

Well, yup. That's enough for me. But hey - let's not knock it. Let's see if I can pull it off with some grace and dignity.

Happy New Year all! I hope that, whatever the year brings you, you enjoy yourself. And remember that if all else fails, just dance your way through it!

Happy New Year!!!!