Oh my head...

Taking a little break from blogging.

Cheers

~ P

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

Sunday!

Today, I made a pie. Yes, an actual pie. Homemade gluten free crust with a criss-cross top. It's on the table, and looks yummy!

The roast is in the oven, Adam is starting the potato's, and the apartment looks pretty darn good. What a tradition to start. I'll have to be sure I'm well rested for this though - I've been wanting to fall over and nap all day.

The history channel is running a show today about what would happen if humans disappeared from the earth. It's totally awesome. I've been waiting all week to see it.

Maren posted new pics of baby Rowan. He's SO adorable. No, I don't want one right now, but in not-to-distant future, sure. Give me 2 years and we'll revisit the topic. But every now and then, my ovaries start to scream "Tick! Tock!" at me. Chocolate keeps them quiet though. Sort of. lol

Well, it's time to get ready to play hostess. And then sleep.




*Edit*

Dinner went very well. Everyone ate and enjoyed the conversation. The next family dinner is in two weeks :)

Super tired tonight. I don't have the energy to do anything. Adam went to the gym, and all I want to do is curl up and go to sleep. But I won't be able to for another couple of hours.

Taxes are done, and one more debt will be paid off tomorrow. Wahoo! How nice is that?!?! Then only a couple are left.

So I haven't been feeling too wonderful this past week. I'm hoping this coming week will be much better. I intend to hit the weights tomorrow, and see how I feel after that.

Adam's mother got a Wii, and a Wii Fit (which I've wanted for months). The downside is that I had to get my BMI done on the silly thing. So now his mother has a body profile for me. Ew! THAT is not a comfortable feeling at all. So I am determined to be down a tiny bit the next time I get on it.

BUT... I wowed her tonight with a damn fine dinner! Yay! (Okay, it was really really good.)

~ P

Ah Family Time

So I have received a $500 scholarship from Dal for my "academic achievement". It's not enough to help, but that's okay. I've never received anything for academics before, and I'm reveling in it!

lol I called my mom and told her, then she called Krystal to tell her I had some big exciting news but she couldn't tell her what. Krystal though I was pregnant. She was a little irate with Mom when she found out what the news actually was. Just give me a little while Krystal; I'm not ready to share Adam quite yet.

Krystal and Mike are here tonight, and leaving in the morning. Adam and I have decided to start hosting family dinners a couple of times a month. We've decided that we are at that age where you have to make family a priority. If not now, when? Soon we'll be settling down and getting ready to start our own, and we want our families to be around to see it. I want my children to be close with their aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents. I was, and they deserve to be. So a new tradition is born! Right here, in our first home.

I found the most kick-butt brownies in the world - and they're gluten-free! Rock on! They are much gooey-er than any other I've tried. Yippee! Tomorrow I'll be trying to make a gluten-free pie for the first time. Let's see how that goes :)

My life on EI is starting to take form now. Mon & Wed I have Stats. Tues & Thurs I work. Somewhere in there I have 4-6 hours of Bio, plus added stats studying. Add time for myself, for Adam, for the house and for rest, and my schedule is suddenly booked up! Just the way I like it :D

Got the taxes done. Yippee! I'm getting some $$ back - thank goodness. It'll go straight to Dal, and perhaps a tad to Old Navy. After all, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Off to bed! Can't wait to close my eyes! Zzzzzzzzzz

The Flasher

Tired

Only I would get up at 7am while on unemployment. And I stayed up? Jeesh!

Talked to Alice today. I can't wait for her to get here next weekend. I also got to hear Pascal's voice on speakerphone - such a great accent! We'll need to get Damian to screech him in while he's here. *evil laugh*

Okay, so not every nursing student gets an entrance scholarship. But I did. I think it's $500 or $1000, but I should (hopefully) hear from them tomorrow. Or Friday. I hope tomorrow though.

Off to work tomorrow at the armouries. It'll be nice to feel useful for a day :)

So sleepy.....

Oh! I signed up for biology for the summer today (Distance Ed - Blackboard Learning System). SO now it'll be Bio and Stats (which is in classroom). That'll be two electives down, and a lot left to do. And (operating under the assumption that thousands of dollars don't show up between now and then), I'll be taking physiology from September to April. That's THREE electives down. And possibly microbiology or biochemistry through another university, since the profs at Dal have HORRID reputations, and I've received a few warnings from friends. So.... making life as easy as possible down the road... one way or another.



Must go to sleep.... getting up and living a normal day tomorrow is going to be hard enough. Yikes!

~ P



P.S.

I love you Adam.

:)

So another week has started. I'm looking forward to the weekend already! Although the long weekend was really nice to have extra time with Adam.

I have a million things to do today. Call Dal, do laundry, gym, and work tonight. Oh the fun! Oh the joy! Oh the.... meh.

** Edit **

So apparently nursing students automatically get a small scholarship. I'm not sure how much it is (yet) but the school said I'll get the information in the mail in the next few days. I think it's likely around the $500 area. Cool.

Dollhouse

This show is amazing. A very cool premise. Joss Whedon has done it again.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone!

Adam and I got back today from a fast and furious trip to the valley. We saw everyone we needed to, plus fit in a hike in the woods.

Hope everyone is having a good holiday!

~ P

Te he

Pssst... Adam....


I love you!

Step in the right direction

Today I registered for Statistics at Dal (for the summer term). It runs twice a week, and starts in early May. Yay! I'm a Dal student!!

Not a full time student yet, and maybe not even this year, but still, a Dal student just the same.

Baby steps !!

Yipee!

~P

Venting, finally.

So I went to work tonight, for the first time in a month. It was nice. I got to go out and interact with more people. Adam is wonderful, but he gets to leave every day and see other people. So tonight, it was nice to get out.

Don't get me wrong, I get to see other people, and I get to socialize, but it's not the same. And seeing the same people and getting same (small range of) daily stimuli every day is not good for my mental health. It is not good for my mood. And overexposure to some people, even the perceived pressure of socialization, is exhausting. I have a serious guilt complex when it comes to socializing. I like to be in a certain comfort zone. I like to see certain people and do certain things, and I feel guilty that I don't want to see everyone all the time like they want me to. I feel guilty that I don't want to do the things that everyone else wants to do when they want to do them.

You know what I want? I want the people around me to get to know me. I can think of 4 people that know me. And Adam is at the top of that list. And when the other people, who are not in that 4, get a glimpse of some of the many facets in my personality, some balk. Some judge. Some gossip. Some hold out their hands to me though, and welcome me. Some people, who call themselves friends, don't know anything personal about me. Those are the people that cause me guilt. Because with them, I am not me. With them, I am simply who they perceive me to be, and that bothers me. I don't like it. I don't like being a certain kind of person if I don't feel like a certain kind of person.

Do you know what else I want? I want people who care about me to show they care about me. Do people ever sit back and think "Hey, what about Pam?" I was very sick this year, and do you know who looked after me? Adam. Adam was there for me. Adam was there for me when I needed to break down; he was there for me when I kept getting bad news; he was there for me when I didn't have faith that the next day would be better. He was there for me when no one else was. And I want to know why no one else was. I want to know why the situation, to some people, didn't warrant me needing to lean on my friends. Seriously. Why? I was sick, I couldn't do anything, I couldn't even be awake for long periods of time. And some people guilted me; flat out guilted me. Why am I not spending time with them? Why am I not there for them? Why am I hiding away. You know what? I WAS SICK. Not PMS sick. Not flu sick. Not cough and cold season sick. I was sick. Can't eat, can't be on my feet, at times need help walking down the hall because it is simply too far, paralysis, SICK. At certain points I could understand why people who are terminally sick welcome death, because it is something. I was nowhere near death, and trying like hell to stay positive about my situation, with a hell of a lot of help from Adam, and little to no help from anyone else. Except Jen. She helped whenever she could, and took very special care of me whenever she could. She needs an honorable mention here.

So where were all my friends then?

And where are they now? Who knows. Some are abroad or in other parts of Canada, and others are here. I'm on the mend and happier with Adam and in the life I live, even if struggling with certain things, than I have ever been.

So if people are not there for me in the good times, and not there for me in the bad, why do I call them friends? Oh yeah, guilt. Why do I feel the need to do things I don't want to do? Oh yeah, guilt. Guilt is a bitch.

When I came down with Bell's Palsy in 2006, while in Edmonton, I learned who my friends were. And you know what? It wasn't the guy I had been 'seeing' at the time. He freaked out when he saw me, and then couldn't stand to be around me afterward. Nicky, who I barely knew at that time, stepped up. So did Greg, and Johnny, and Kyle, Kim, and Pat and Kris, and Maren, and Bob(kewicz). And I barely knew any of them all that well. But they were there for me, and I needed that.

Adam has been through hell and back with me. HE has seen me at my worst, and he is standing by me. I am going through a long road of recovery, and he is beside me now. I push and he holds tighter, I cry and he wipes away the tears. I smile and we smile together. I love him. I love him for the man he is, for the life he has lived. I love him for having the courage to be who he is and not make apologies for it. I love him for having the strength to love, have lost love, and try again. I am thankful he tried again with me. I love him for everything he is, and for everything he has ever or will ever be. My favorite place in the whole world to be is in his arms, with my cheek to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I love Adam, and I am happy with him. And Adam, you deserve to read this and know that I will tell the whole world from the rooftop that I love you. You love like no other. You are like no other man I have ever met. You are my best friend. A friend unlike any other I have had. A man who is more loyal and more honorable than most can comprehend.

This is not an attack on anyone, this is me finally sharing how I feel with the world. And if you feel attacked, maybe you have something to feel guilty for. Anyone who knows me knows that I have always gone above and beyond the call of friendship. So if you don't return the same loyalty and kindness, perhaps you have something to feel guilty for.

Do not ask me if this is about you. I'll lie and say no. Guilt. But feel free to talk to me about it.

So here you have it: my thoughts. Maybe tomorrow I will feel different, but I doubt it. This has been a long time coming. And if you didn't know that...

~ P

PS It is horrible to think that maybe maybe everyone feels like this. If that is the case, please let me know know I'm not crazy. Then again, if more people feel like this, why put on a brave face? Life is much easier when people are honest.

Another rainy day :)

No wonder I didn't want to get up and was sleeping so well, it's raining outside! I always sleep great when it's raining! But there are things to be done, and staying n bed for the day doesn't accomplish much.

Hmmmm, I just had a dream that I was going to have slap some girl in the face with blueberry on my hand, and she was going to slap me with lemon juice on her hand. And it was all choreographed. Hmmmm.....

Registering for Stats today. Looking forward to it. Can't wait! Yay!

Can't wait to see you Alice!
Miss you lots Maren. Call Friday.

Hope everyone is having a good week :)
XOXO

~ P

**Edit**

I made it to the gym today! Fitness after illness is not a mountain I care to climb again. Ever. Phew!

Nice quiet night.

The cool things about rainy nights is that a lot of people stay in, and that means that the town can be open, free and enjoyed. I also find that rainy days make people a little tired and dozy, which is cool because that means people are pretty chill.

Adam, Ingrid and I are heading to a little play tonight at King's College, and we should be able to enjoy it and find parking easily, since most of Halifax seem to be allergic to rain.

Question of the day: Why do people live in a coastal city if they don't like rain?

Hmmm.... I think I'll add that to my FB to see if anyone responds. Could be interesting to see what they say.

Loving the day.

P

ER

It's 1:45 am and I am up watching the final episode of ER while Adam is sleeping. Something seems off about that (hmmmm, I wonder what......) but I can't tear myself away. Medical shows rock!

~ P

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Ahhh April...

Well April is finally here!

This is the first pic that comes up when I type April into Deviant Art:

Awww! So cute!









Things are going good here. Adam and I were both very sick last week, but by Sunday felt much better. Although I think it may have been a touch premature, because we have both had sore throats for the last couple of days. We are also not getting to sleep early enough, so that doesn't help the healing process. I can't wait until the warm weather is here to stay so this silly cold season goes away!

I had the oddest dream last night; let me just say: death, secret agencies, dancing, water, cooking, university, reunion, ships, beef anti-pesto and new found shark-kitty species in the water.

I'm cracked.

I realized this morning that Easter is next weekend. Already! 4 day weekend, end with a major chocolate sale. What could be wrong with that? I think I will need to head out home for Easter dinner and church this year; I haven't done that in awhile.

I'm not sure yet if Adam and I are going to do Easter baskets for each other or not. Easter isn't a big thing for him, and neither of us really wants to get a big pile of junk food for no good reason (a good reason is wanting something specific then going and getting it, and not having a bunch laying around for no reason).

I can not wait to start hiking and walking more. I'm certainly doing much better and feeling much better, and ready to do a lot more. I'm reading up on all the backpacking and hiking articles I can find. We've got a few different trail listings that look great too.

Taking a lazy day today. May run out for a little chocolate then I'm going to settle in for some Grey's Anatomy catch up (or possibly Gossip Girl). I also have nearly every movie I wanted to see this year, and I haven't watched one of them. I'm not sure where to start. Slumdog Millionaire or Secret Life of Bees or The Women..... so may choices!

• Maren, I'll update you at some point today or tomorrow.

• Alice, 19 days? Woo woo! If you and Pascal need a place to stay you can stay here. We have a queen size bed in our spare room :)

• Douglas - belly looks GREAT!

XOXO

~P

Sleepy

Bed at 2, up at 10. 8 full hours and yet I'm super sleepy.

Off to get my MSI card, make brownies, marinate supper and then take a night to kick back and watch a movie.

Sleepy.... but at least it's sunny out!

~ P